hope

I   listened   for   hope

but   silence   engulfed   me

except shrill buzzing from the music

of    Whitesnake    blasted

through  near-blown  speakers

in  my 1994  blue-green  Camaro

c o n v e r t i b l e

here  I  go  again  on  my  own

I     prayed     craved     pursued

kept   watch   like   a   hope-stalker

but hope proved more elusive

than my high school crush

effortless  six-pack  abs

Tennessee Volunteer victories

compliments from strangers

skinny jeans that actually zip

finding    a        freaking  babysitter

just   one   blessed   trustworthy   friend

I          wept    despaired    pontificated

fell from grace like a hope-deflater

finding hope proved thornier

than dinner conversations

with  my  entire  family

over mom’s cast-iron skillet

okra  and  fried  chicken

idolized politicians

d e m o l i s h i n g

or building dividing walls

 grace or truth for sinners

eschatological neuroses

my  ripped  Lucky  jeans

w o m e n           p r e a c h e r s

you   can’t  do  that  in  church

I     waited        wrestled  grieved

listened  again  like  a  hope-imbiber

but   hope   hid   her   face

 j u s t     l i k e        G o d

so   I   don’t   recognize   hope

only   that   silence   ringing

haunting  song  that  never  stops

here  I  go  again  on  my  own

every breath aches to sing

but   hope   escapes

I  cannot  reach